Eating the Last Piece of Lumpia

I can't believe the first month of 2010 is almost over, didn't we just pop open the bubbly like a couple weeks ago? I don't think I've even washed the underwear I wore that night yet, lol.

Time is flying by so quickly, it still amazes me that 2009 is in the books. Last year was by far one of the busiest and most exciting periods of my life -- non-stop wedding planning, the wedding, our two-week vacation in paradise, adjusting to being married, deciding to walk away from a stable paycheck and instead work freelance, Chey starting high school, Chey transitioning from world of cute to the stinkin dangerous land of pretty ... God help me from strangling all the boys who stare at her! *sigh*

Those were just the main highlights and then there were also the little changes, and in totality it was simply a year that opened my eyes to life and all its developments ... the good, the bad and the ugly.

It's crazy how they say a wedding -- especially a destination wedding -- can bring out the ugly in people. I never really knew what this meant and always thought I would be the exception and somehow slide past all the unattractiveness. Unfortunately, I was being naive because ugly will always find you!

When Tommy and I opted to have a destination wedding we knew it would shorten our guest list considerably because of costs, travel worries, etc. But that was ok because we knew we would be having the wedding of our dreams. It also helped that we never wanted a huge wedding surrounded by people we barely knew because it was most important for us to be amongst the closest people in our lives -- people who loved and cared for us unconditionally and would always be there through the worst and best of times.

As RSVPs rolled in there were some pleasant surprises by people we never thought would be able to make it, and some painful disappointments from those who we had already written in with a Sharpie "wouldn't miss it for the world." Money of course was the main reason for many who couldn't make the trip, and of course with the economy struggling as it is, we completely understood. And then there were those who used the Swine Flu or Mexican drug wars as their escape -- again what could we do? Even then it was understandable.

But then there were those armed with excuses as porous as a block of Swiss cheese ... they simply didn't come.

With all the wedding chaos that was going on a month prior to our a date and even months thereafter, their absence didn't really hurt as much. I think the excitement of our special day and all the adrenaline that came with it really eased the blow.

But now, several months later, when I think about it...it hurts. Like a great workout that your aching muscles don't really feel until two days later. The pain was delayed.

When I look at our incredible photographs it is a beautiful reminder of the amazing time we had with all our family and friends -- the people who I now know I can always depend on rain or shine, good or bad, swine flu or drug wars :)

But those same photographs that can instantly make me laugh with joy, are also bitter snapshots of who was missing...who should have been there.

How could one of your closest friends miss the most important day of your life? How could he/she not even have the courtesy to tell you, "I'm not going to be able to make it." How could he/she not be there? How could he/she not take the time to even call you after the big day and see how everything went? So many questions, with silence as the only answer.

I don't know why it has bothered me so much lately, perhaps because at the end of each year I take time to reflect on what was and what is yet to come. I guess in reality, I should have seen it coming. Some people never truly seemed happy about our wedding plans. Why, I don't really know. But in the back of my mind I tried to convince myself that I was being overly paranoid and it would all work out.

People change, they really do, even those whom you think are the closest to you.  Unfortunately those are the friends whose betrayal hurts the most, because well, you thought that friendship could withstand anything. And yet somehow you seem to look past the days, months, years of stormy weather and then one day you look at the friendship with eyes wide open, shocked to see what's left is merely a skeleton of a weathered friendship that collapsed when you needed it the most.

I am sad for lost friendships because I won't lie, it hurts. But what can you do? Much like a failed relationship, you sit back and wonder what went wrong. And much like failed relationships, you think back at the good times and all the laughter, and hope that one day the pain will subside and understanding will take its place. Instead of being bitter or holding on to a grudge, I want to remember the friendship that was and how he/she helped me become what I am today. No regrets, no anger, but simply grateful for what was. That is how I choose to handle it.

But I don't write all this to wallow in my tears because what has been equally powerful is realizing that while my circle is not merely as large as it used to be when I was Ms. Social Butterfly, the loved ones and friends I do have in my life today are simply...the best!

I hold dear to me old friendships that have survived being battered and worn like a favorite pair of jeans. And I'm also excited for new friendships bubbling on the surface. And then there are those long lost friendships that seem to have caught new life ~ I will say Facebook certainly has a lot to do with that and I am grateful*

While we were not blessed with the presence of every single person who was important to us on June 26th, the circle of love, life, and laughter that enveloped us on our wedding day was overwhelmingly wonderful. My heart was filled with so much love and appreciation that day, our cups truly runneth over with a joy that simply could not be put into words. It could not have been more perfect and I really couldn't have asked for a better experience.

And for those who simply could not make our big day for good reason, but sent us their love in a package filled with prayers and well wishes topped with a beautiful bow -- *THANK YOU* from the bottom of our hearts. Your love from afar brought blue skies and sunshine to our day and we were so very grateful!

I have had these feelings weighing so heavy on my mind since the last couple months of 2009 so it feels good to finally get it off my chest and say it out loud, internet style at least :)

And on that note, I think I am finally at peace with the year that was and am finally ready to toast in 2010. So with a festive spirit in mind... like a yummy dish at a party, there's always one piece left that no one wants to eat but is dying to be picked up.

So I'll gladly take that final piece of lumpia and swallow it with a smile!

I'm officially closing the book on 2009. It was a year to celebrate love and changes ... the good, the bad and even the ugly.